You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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