remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
