Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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