i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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