the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
