R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
