in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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