then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
