I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
