I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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