I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
