Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
