too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
