i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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