this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
