Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
