just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dear god my vagina.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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