Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
