The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ugly people sure do ruin things
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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