No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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