i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
