Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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