i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
