Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
