Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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