it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
