these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
