I'm eating all of the evidence.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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