god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
home. puking in laundry basket.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
