Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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