and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
