I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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