You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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