watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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