so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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