You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
