i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
