I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
