yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
