That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
