Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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