I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
