**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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