i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
