I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
