Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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