i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
