I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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