Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
