We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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