you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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